


Till Death Do Us Part

by Vangle



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Death But Not Really, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-19 00:00:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10627929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vangle/pseuds/Vangle
Summary: Simon Snow is dead. What a better way to celebrate than a lavish funeral with few tears?





	

**Penny**

Wanting to cry is normal. Crying a lot is always fine.  
Yet I have a particular problem with people who cry just for show. That is what Agatha has been doing for the past hour or so. Yet not a tear when she heard the news. Nor when she started helping organize this. Not when she was alone.  
Maybe it is the entire setting. She isn’t faking it as her mascara is everywhere.  
“Miss Bunce, would you like to begin?”  
“Why the heck not.”  
I usually hate speaking in public but this is kind of special. I stand up on the stage and look out at the entire student body present. Not a teacher or student was missing. It was painfully quiet. Someone must have silenced all the birds. I had no intention of crying again but I already feel fresh bitterness in my mouth.

“ _Fellow students. Dear teachers and guests. We are here together to celebrate the life of one of the kindest, bravest, and most selfless people I have ever met, Simon Snow._ ”

I spoke about how we met. All of the amazing things that he has done. Some of the reckless but kind things he has done. I wasn’t telling this to the audience. I was reminding Simon of everything that happened, of everything that I remember. I was telling Simon as he lay dead in the glass coffin. Did the Mage really need to set up this parade?  
After talking for 15 minutes or so, I realized that most people who never really knew Simon for who he was, lost interest. It broke my heart.   
I sighed. “Simon. You will be missed.” I looked over the crowd again. Some were just crying. Some had to leave the room for whatever reason. Simon’s closer acquaintances were not crying, just looking upset. The last person who my eyes lingered on was Baz. 

He seldom moved since this was announced last week. We were in class and Baz the one asked to write on the board. Someone walked in and announced it. Baz’s first reaction was the only thing I saw because it mirrored my own.  
Absolute horror. Pain. Anguish.

 

Boring hours passed. Just to amuse myself, I pretended that Simon was next to me. He would tell me how horribly boring everything is and how much he would have rather move on to the banquet. Yet he can’t tell me those things. He is dead. Apparently, the Mage knows how he died but is keeping it private. I want to rip out his stupid goatee for that.  
I walk over to Ebb when we reached the lunch hall.  
She smiled at me softly, “Hello, dear.” It was very comforting in times of misery. Normally she would put you down but now was just right.  
“This is ridiculous. Why won’t the Mage tell us about how he died? Was it not heroic enough to parade?”   
Ebb sighed and didn’t say anything. I was already expecting her to say nothing at all until she finally said. “I think he doesn’t know anything. Not how Simon died. Not why. I think he is just worried that the Old Families were behind this, so he is letting them know in this way that ‘he knows’.”  
I nod as I see that as a very probable theory, yet it somehow it makes me feel even worse. 

I get a glass of water and go outside with Ebb to watch the body moved from the glass coffin into a proper wooden one. Ebb lightly nudged my shoulder.   
“Let me teach you a very popular spell from my days. It is too bad they canceled bible studies in this school. The spells you get from there are insane.” She takes my glass of water and taps the rim on the glass with her wand. “Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast.”  
She hands me back a glass of wine. “Thank you. I needed this.”  
“Just keep it a secret.”  
We silently watch the car with Simon disappear. On the other end of the field, I watch Baz marching away rapidly and angrily.   
Ebb frowns deeply. “You and that boy are the two who I pity most from all of this.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Why pity the dead? They are fine.”  
“That is not what I mean. Why me and _Baz_?”  
She laughs lightly at that. “What is he going to do without Simon? If it was him who left, Simon would have been devastated. Say what you will, but they were very tightly interwoven into each other’s lives. Death just takes away the words as you know it. It is sad that Baz never managed to confess his love to Simon.”

I violently choke on my wine. “What?!”  
“He talks to himself in the forest sometimes. Common when you have some feelings pent up deep inside of you.”  
I look at Baz’s figure getting away. I look at him walk away and realize that Ebb was probably right. They were too obsessed with each other. I do suddenly feel more sad for Baz. 

**Baz**

I marched up the spiral stairs of the high tower that the Mage put Simon in. Why not bury him like a normal person?  
I walk and walk. The last few days have been draining. And I could not react to it at all. I still can’t. Because I just know it _didn’t happen_. 

I reach the final floor and open the door. There was no protection spell. This was all a fancy show. The Mage doesn’t truly care for the body.  
I was into the chamber. It is full of flowers. They were cast on to look fresh for weeks but the smell was definitely that of rotten flowers.

Back at the funeral, I wanted to destroy the Mage. He was so active with all the guest. But when he had to sit quietly and listen to Bunce speak, he just seemed bored. Didn’t talk himself, either. 

I am glad no one had a sick enough humor to make me speak as his roommate. I would have broken down crying in front of everybody. Expressing anything emotional would not have kept me together.  
I walk up to the coffin on the pedestal and slowly push away the lid. It crashes on the floor but there isn’t a scratch.

There he lay. As pale as I am when I haven’t drunk in days. Eyes closed. Arms folded. All cleaned up nicely. In a very cheap suit.   
“Oh, Simon… you are….”  
The words lingered in my mouth.

“The world’s most infuriating idiot ever.”

I lean in and kiss his motionless lips.

He then coughs.

“Ugh, I feel like I’ve slept like the dead,” He jokes.  
I smack him on the head. “You are back from the dead and the first thing you do is tell a pun?!” I yell at him.  
“I thought of it while I was driven here. I probably could have done better. Baz? What’s wrong?”  
“Are you kidding me?! I was worried this wouldn’t have worked and I would have actually fucking lost you!”  
A wide grin spreads on his face. “How very romantic.”  
“Shut up.”  
“Baz… I wouldn’t have bitten Snow White’s Apple if I wasn’t sure that you would wake me up with true love’s kiss.”  
I hug him tightly and he hugs back. It was unbearable to think of his as dead for a moment. The funeral was too much.

“Why am I wearing lipstick?”  
“They put makeup on corpses to prevent them from looking too ‘dead’ at a funeral.”  
“How very counterproductive.”  
“Come on. I bought you clothes and wipes. Fix yourself.  
“And food? I haven’t eaten in days.”  
“I brought scones and tea. Now get up. You look stupid in a coffin.”  
He crawls out of the coffin and wipes his makeup off on the suit, smudging it.   
“Give me your phone. I have to call Penny. She will be so mad that she was not told about our plan and will take back all the nice things she said at the funeral.”  
I can’t help but laugh. I love him so fucking much.  
I listen to him call Bunce and explain our plan to track down the Humdrum apart from the Mage. About how we started dating behind everyone’s back. After an hour of yelling, she said she will pack her bags and meet us to join us in our quest. 

Simon finally changes and eats properly.  
“Hey, Baz…”  
“What?”  
“I love you.”  
“I love you too.”


End file.
